Loss

Aug 15, 2024

Truthfully, I hesitate to tell you this story. Among the 133 sheep medicated to remove barber pole worms three days ago in Waimea, about 10 are anemic. These sick ones eat and move about like normal sheep but much slower. On my way to their pasture yesterday, I was listening to a sermon that referred to “Ask, Seek, Knock.” My response was along the lines of: I know my sheep are sick; help them live. I trust in you and your power to heal. I don’t like them suffering, and as a shepherd, I fight to keep them alive. So did King David, and He killed the bear and the lion.

I was drenched to the skin, moving the electric fence for their next paddock. My sheep were huddled together due to a strong wind and driving mist. When they approached me, I discovered a mature ewe who couldn’t stand or walk. She needed immediate help. I wanted to get her somewhere warm. Fast-forward through many ideas, such as bringing her to Kona, but that cold wind and rain in the truck bed would likely kill her. I wanted to place her in the nearby gooseneck trailer. In just a few minutes, despite all my efforts and my trying to lift her, she grew weaker and died.

Regret and relief washed over me. I’m still convinced of God’s power and generosity. My attitude toward loss has changed. It’s still a painful process, but fixing my eyes on God’s character is my source of hope. 2024 has been both wonderfully exhilarating and difficult. Because I’ve rediscovered Jesus as my first love, it has been exhilarating. The difficult days with the sheep on the other hand is very taxing. But joy comes even though I feel despair,, as I re-centered to acknowledge that God’s goodness and wisdom never fails. I recovered.

The file photo shows sheep in Kona trapped by accident between a pallet and fence. When sheep cannot get back on their feet, even food won’t keep them alive.