Who am I?
The journey that our teacher Chris Heuertz led us on during the Sacred Ennagram week dealt with our identity on deep and significant levels. We endured our partner’s repeating question “who are you” for five minutes, which seemed like an eternity, but he said later it was only four. Being the “good” YWAMers we were we brought to mind all the lessons learned during DTS and other parts of our lives, yet felt so unsettled. Phrases like child of God, lover of God, loved by God started sounding very unattached to our heart, which was part of the exercise, which was to get at what really goes on in our identity.
We often get it backwards, seeking identity through what we have, what we do, and what others think about us. Jesus came to set our broken identity free from these things by restoring our true dignity and purpose. We need to move from identity, to belonging, to meaning.
The Ennagram reveals nine ways/types we lie to ourselves, and nine ways to find our way to get home to our true self. The types break down into three major areas: heart/feeling, head/thinking, and body/instinctive and they describe our involuntary responses to our experiences. The quickest emotion reaction such as distress and anxiety tend toward those types under the head area, fear and shame is seen in those who types are in the heart area, then frustration and anger for those in the body area.
Hearing Chris describe how his type reacted to his mother by pushing her away opened my understanding of how these types create unintentional broken relationships. It was something I needed to hear about my relationship to my mom. Though she loved me, I never seemed to receive love. I did gravitate toward my dad, but still not feeling the full sense of acceptance until later in life.
The exercises during this week opened up understanding that I need to do some more messy evacuating of lies. I’ll be reading the book Sacred Ennagram to learn more. One thing Chris kept repeating that it was easier to take care of other people rather than taking care of yourself. While I’ve understood this concept for a while, it’s time to dig a little deeper.
Photo by Mariya Pampova on Unsplash
