Dixie and I need more…

What are you hearing these days? I’m writing out of joy and excitement. This season of my life is hard to describe, yet it was always available and ready for me to enter. Many, many familiar words from scripture and from others who taught me, whether they are YWAMers or not, now inspire me. Does that mean that when I leave the doors of my home, I behave and think perfectly? No, it hasn’t.

What happened? I’m not sure I can answer that. I’ve always sought information, longed for wisdom, and longed for something to fix me. I hated the fearfulness, the anxiety, and the feeling of being abandoned. It just kept bugging me, and I wanted it to stop. I believed Jesus wanted a better life for me and so, on one hand, I knew it was possible; on the other hand, I didn’t always see the result I craved.

So reading through the Bible I saw wonderful insights, I delighted in the Psalms or cried. I often hear wonderful insights from many teachers during my pursuit of God. Still, I hated my weakness. Clarity came at various points in my journey, and then it seemed like forgetfulness crept in.

Both the Word of God and seeing through nature’s metaphors have taught me. What I mean by that is that my last two dogs taught me something about relationships. Keiko was the adventurous, brave dog, facing fears head-on. His loyalty was hard to see, but he was fun and playful. Still he ran away often, breaking my heart. Then there’s Dixie, the sweetest dog I’ve ever met. She craves affection and responds so quickly to words of affirmation. After three years I’m still looking at her to stop being fearful of me. I’m also looking at her knowing she has the power to be a sheepdog, but fear prevents her from being who she is. Her power is seen when she knows she is bigger than the animal she’s meant to herd, she loves to herd baby lambs.

With a dog trainer’s advice, I’m taking her with me on the lead to inspire her to herd sheep. I give her affirmations, I demonstrate which direction to go in. I’m still waiting for the light to go on. I love her, AND I want her to know she is loved and protected, yet her identity crisis prevents the joy of a job well done.

God’s love is drawing me into a tighter embrace, rewiring how I think, of growing faith in a way that information alone cannot do. I think about problems that make me feel sad, powerless, or fearful. A dog attacking and killing sheep. Homeless people needing care. A world falling apart. Yet the kingdom of God is here already, and I can act as a citizen, not a visitor. And this is way more than what I can unpack in this short update. My focus is shifting to the reality of this verse. “and you accepted the confiscation of your belongings with joy because you knew that you certainly had a better and lasting possession.” Losses and grief might be there, but as a citizen of Heaven, a lasting and beautiful nation is both here now and to be fulfilled. I now remember the lasting inner possession of Jesus’ character is mine right now. Perfect identity is fulfilled since He lives by His Spirit in me.