Dixie is truly sweet and loving and has been blessing the people on the way to class and in class. She loves gazing into my eyes and does this to almost anyone. While I’ve been needing her to grow into a reliable sheepdog, she’s definitely reliable when it comes to loving people. I love how she can bring respite to each person who either is missing their own dog, or just demonstrate God’s creative care towards us by giving us companions like this.

Companionship. Is that a word you use when you think of Jesus being with you? It’s a growth process for me. Acknowledging Jesus with me despite internal feelings is important to combat the enemy’s lies. Dixie is a companion, but Jesus’ whole story is inclusion. I belong to him in a way that is beyond any human relationship. He grieves with me, he laughs, he smiles, he is wisdom, he rescues, which I take to mean there’s no chasm between us. I might be messy, weak, scared, confident, get too big for my britches, but He’s with me. Promises are not broken, I grow to trust in the ones yet to be fulfilled, whether here in this age or the one to come.

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Butterflies and geckos. Yesterday on the way to church, I noticed the orange butterfly about to land on nearby shrubbery. I’m whipping my phone out, because I love taking pictures of God’s creatures. After capturing that image, and getting into the car, another species fluttered across the lawn, so that was fun. It really got interesting when the Monarch butterfly appeared as I drove out of my village. Like a whisper from my Father, I love you, so here are three of your favorite creatures.

This morning, the Madagascar Gold-dust gecko appeared right above the large painting in the living room. Grabbed my phone, but he disappeared behind the frames on the wall. This gecko sports a bright blue eye color on his eyelid and it’s a stunning accent to an already beautiful gecko. It created a renewed awareness of how God brings joy via seeing beauty. Amazing isn’t it.

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Listening to the Bible project’s “Building a House on the Rock” was my daily bread this morning. I felt peace come over me. The podcast’s imagery and words built a new frame of reference where I’m with Jesus, and he is alive. His resurrection is the new building I can live within. He is above the coming storm, and this home with him will withstand any storm. Whether America falls down soon or not, I want my daily choices to be building and entering the house on the rock. Seek first his kingdom, and all these things will be added unto you. I examine my mind, and there are castles in the sand. I can stop listening to derisive inner remarks and listen to Jesus’ words to remove those castles in the sand.

Peace is in my heart. I’ve suffered incredible emotional pain this week. I could not sleep and could not shut down a fearful cycle that entered my head. It was my personal storm, but reaching for Jesus means I’m safe within His refuge.

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By listening to Bible Project each day, I find that the richness of God’s Words is so extensive and the parts that elude my understanding need to go through a grid of looking at God’s declarations about himself and the whole story of Jesus. His choices, his emotions, his mysterious teachings, his clear teachings. Nothing is contradictory, he always guides me to a choice. I depend on his help while asking, seeking and responding in righteousness.

From the very beginning, clear choices were established; the ones that lead to life and freedom are always there. The idea that God is not generous is the lie. The tension in the book of Genesis shows up because there was ONE tree denied to us. Ever look at a forest? ONE tree.

So, I want to analyze my anger. Does it arise from being slighted, feeling my idea is better, having my own way, or is it really an anger that Jesus would experience? Wisdom is meant to help me choose. So, if I imitate Christ, my spoken words should reflect his character. Do I speak out the highest and best each day with friends, family, nation, and more? Probably not, but having that desire and focus is how I seek the kingdom of God. When I slip, I receive forgiveness, but my gaze/focus is on Jesus. His character is in me; he’s holding my hand or pointing at the right choices. That is how I imitate what he would do.

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What a conundrum. God didn’t just create the world and then sit down and observe how we treat it and each other. Take flooding alone; This is occurring on a scale beyond recorded history. How is it these clouds park over a region and dump a whole year’s worth of rain? Why is this occurring? How do we explain this loss of life and property? In a little over one month, Brazil, the USA, Spain, Thailand, and other countries suffered incredible losses.

A familiar verse tells us to humble ourselves, and He will heal our land. There is a growing sense that I need to be in a state of humility, not just stop for one minute and pray, and then all will be well. That kind of humility is foreign, and so I realize again my greatest need is the new life Christ has delivered. We are dependent in a way we’ve never considered. We like the idea of solar panels because then we can lessen the pollution scientists say will completely change the earth’s climate. Yet, in one moment, a volcano can erupt and darken the world’s skies. So, I ponder what choices I can make that will align with God’s will. Stay faithful and declare to myself and others that God’s intention towards us is to increase life. Our hope is that destruction will cease, and perfect humans and earth will emerge.

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Had to calm down after looking for the sheep in Waimea. I use two cellular cameras to check on them when I’m in Kona. When scanning the field with the first one, I panned right and left and NO sheep appeared! Aaah! Then I wanted to check the video logs, but before that switched to the second camera and the picture that appeared is the one you see in this post. It is calm. Several are standing, not concerned about eating. A couple sheep in the distance butted heads, typical of those who have energy to burn. This flock is content too. When I see various sheep standing, lying down, eating, or butting heads, it indicates they are not bothered or hungry.

But I’m still bothered. It triggered my panic button and it takes me a while to get calm again. Memories flood me of previous events that were sad, or took an extreme amount of work and time to get things back in order again. It’s challenging me now, but in a few minutes things will settle down. These crazy reactions have been more frequent, and I’m pondering why that is true. AND it’s time to get down to the Humanities and Science class at YWAM Kona…

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I still default to the idea that life’s troubles cause me to find solutions by myself. Traumatic incidents create a fear called “something is about to happen again,” I feel it is imperative to prevent it, and most of the time, it’s not even a life and death situation. I’m discovering one source of my anxiety is defaulting to troubleshooting instead of using wisdom. So, if a decision isn’t black and white, I can feel anxiety. I’m moving toward trust, which leads to choosing whether I should constantly be brainstorming or if it really is God’s territory, not mine. Trust invites thinking about God’s generosity as not being earned but given.

God has faithfully provided the same housing since 2007. It’s been shared with four other people at a time, and more than 40 have participated in making it a home. I’ve been a renter and have been content with that. A decision by the owner may or may not mean I get to keep living here. Do I dare even dream of keeping it? To own this place requires far more cash and proof of income than I have. I need to imagine how resources come as God desires while I use wisdom in responding to the crisis. Now I remember God caused the king to ask Nehemiah, “Why are you so sad?” Then He caused a solution far beyond Nehemiah’s wildest dreams.

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Healthy and content sheep do skip, jump, and do “silly” things. They also rest longer, or they sometimes butt their heads together. They might stand in a group or go out and “dance.” This place of satisfaction is easier to see in young lambs being well-fed by their moms. They will have lamb races and love to climb the highest mound. The Waimea flock lacks these mounds. However, there are pits in the ground dug out by cattle in previous years. Young lambs speed around like race cars, hopping in and out of those pits.

My personal excitement and joy come from relaxing into what God’s grace actually looks like. I crave the feeling of belonging in a group or chatting together with another person.

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Some of the sheep just tolerate me. This is from another shepherdess who has a YouTube channel. So being near to her sheep daily doesn’t break down their wariness and reluctance to move closer to her. I find this pretty interesting. That’s why when a new sheep comes up to investigate me, close enough for me to touch her, my heart is warmed.

These days I work to break down my reactions if I feel like God is not pleased. I pay attention to Jesus saying Follow me, or give your burden to me. On some occasions, I visualize dancing together with him, a symbol of harmony and no space between us.

Yesterday a couple images came to mind. Acknowledging He is the wind beneath our wings. In order for that to happen our wings need to be stretched out to be able to fly. If those “wings: are next to our body, we can’t fly.

The second image is those hoverboards. They support your weight to move around, and I was thinking how Jesus is supporting our inner life, helping us navigate the hills/barriers of life.

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What I wish my sheep would recognize: 1. That I’ve shown up to reset the fences so new feed is provided. 2. That their health is dependent on some unfavorable medicine poured down their throat. 3. That they don’t need to be afraid of me, but still move in the direction I indicate. From the perspective of a shepherd, these things need to be done, but the sheep have their own interpretation.

In my personal walk with Jesus, there’s quite a bit to consider, but then I recognize a keyword, “Follow me,” That’s when I pay attention to both scriptures and what the Holy Spirit drops into my mind. Discernment is God’s gift to me, and I can reject anxiety about getting it right. I choose to open my eyes, ears, and my whole being to consider what Jesus is saying, guided by other believers, but taking it back to the Lord. There are clearly a lot of interpretations, but we have only ONE viewpoint that matters: Jesus. So, I pay attention to what He says in all scripture and ask God for wisdom/discernment. And I lay down my rights to know everything. He’s my shepherd, so he’s both feeding me and making sure I understand the essentials.

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