This is a text only version of posts done either on facebook or here on the website. Images have been removed from this version.
Dec 9 2022,
Can you imagine grabbing the jaw of a lion or a bear? And to be writing songs of praise or about the condition of your heart? When David was anointed by Samuel, “the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David from that day on.” 1 Samuel 16:13 NLT. Musician, poet, leader, warrior, a shepherd yet a king. A man after God’s own heart who messed up. A man who is listed as Jesus’ ancestor. The Holy Spirit in David is the same one in us.
Feb 18, 2023
Comfort dulls or numbs our pain so we just exist rather than allowing Gods love to heal it. That’s my paraphrase of what Matt Rawlins said.
I have a picture of what gets me up to do something, it was to save the lives of sheep that got onto Hualalai Rd. I couldn’t explain how they got out but this time I knew they didn’t escape through Hualalai Village. Somehow the gate or fence was compromised and since it was a professional cyclone fence of six feet tall I don’t bother to check that side. But bolt cutters were used to cut a small hole about 2 feet square, and strangely enough, not all the sheep left their field. Only the pregnant ones.
Anyway I’m struggling with multiple jobs needing to be done and the calling to do a blog, do some writing. I don’t jump off my couch to do those postponed jobs, but I will definitely jump when I hear sheep are on the public road. I realized I don’t treat God’s needy people in the same way I treat my sheep. He’s not asking me to be an evangelist, he’s asking me to write. Even at this moment I’m tired, not excited, but those were the same feelings I had right up to when a friend reported the sheep being out. I made myself go, I also was anxious to what I would find. I need Godly motivation to get going on writing. My comfort cannot come before people who are lost and in danger. Yet I sense the weariness again, pushing me just stop at this moment.
Undated
In 2014, I purchased a pure Dorper ewe and ram and intended to have multiple purebred sheep. Between sickness and accidents including a dog attack, very few purebreds remain. The last fatal accident occurred this week, with a four month old ewe lamb stuck on her back in a ground depression. The fatalities come despite prayers, changing medications, or any supreme effort. In the midst of asking questions, he said it was about the Who. His love never decreases, nor does his power. So trusting with all my heart must leave room for unanswered questions. Because the real question is settled, He never abandons us.
Undated
Making a difference might be a strong motivator for you. It’s an often used phrase which can bludgeon you or lift you upward and onward. Our egos tell us we need to matter, so we better do something that matters. Oddly though, missing arms and legs doesn’t stop Nick Viujicic from opening up these identity matters into a realm beyond physical or mental strength. That realm where Jesus draws us to as a place of safety and rest is actually the Kingdom of God. A focus on what Jesus desires lands you in this realm. When making a difference comes from his heart and guidance, our bodies and minds are freed on earth, and it later includes total fulfillment where no pain or tears are seen again.
What is a value added life? Making a difference isn’t only in the realm of life skills, vocation or ideas. As God’s DNA is expressed within yourself and toward others, it enhances ordinary tasks and relationships beyond human capacity. It’s bringing heaven’s dimension down to earth. God’s Kingdom/Heaven is really here on earth when someone demonstrates unselfish mercy, kindness, love and more. We are not failures in God’s eyes when we trust Him.
April 27,2023
The struggle is real, you can do something with all your strength and still ask why it didn’t seem like it was enough. I can think of times I saw danger or a pending illness for the sheep and acted in a timely manner but still feel gutted when a ewe or a lamb dies anyway. Just after medical treatment to remove blood sucking internal worms from 90 sheep, I find out four of them died within three days. Or a ewe that was on her back, turned her over, saw she prolapsed, and placed a retaining harness on her. After she acted and looked normal I took it off. Two weeks later her entire intestinal tract was outside her body. And she was due with lambs within two weeks.
I have my saves, in my flock are other ewes stuck on their back, a sure way to die without intervention, but they live and are doing great. I also kept the ram out from breeding the ewes for 4 extra months so they could regain weight in spite of drought conditions. So now I have just bought a security camera, which will really help monitor for sheep on their backs, any possible intruders, and see if there are lambing problems. Still my thoughts go to the negative side, because the ewe with the prolapsed her gut was just beyond the view of this new camera.
I also think about suffering of trafficked children, the war in Ukraine, the messy political world. And this suffering is in different forms, but so disruptive to mind and body. I hate suffering in any form, for humans and for creation. But until the Lord gathers His saints for the eternal kingdom, suffering is here to stay. Then I think of the eternal timeline and today’s pain, even at its most severe peak, will disappear in the future perspective of the perfect and sin free world yet to come.
Part two same day.
As a sheep shepherd I grow in understanding God’s protect-fulness and concern. If there was a way I could download this love illustration into others with one picture or a paragraph it would be done already. This vision inspired My Shepherd’s Muse blog which is at www.shepherdsmuse.com.
Being involved in two YWAM courses in the past six months challenged me physically and emotionally. The combined 21 students in these core degree courses represent media, counseling, education and other God given purposes. Helping them will one day mean they have transformational tools to use in other nations, and their relationship is deepened with Jesus and his desires for them.
During the schools, even though I’m not a student, God inspired me through the lectures and relationships. One of those turning points involve writing, and God is awakening new purpose in this area while I continue at YWAM Kona. Pray with me as vision and purpose is being fine-tuned. Some elements of how I serve will remain, others need better focus. This is where a partnership team sending me as a missionary can be a real and living help in this ministry, in the way I in turn and help mission minded students.
My dad’s funeral is held in Sweet Home Oregon on August 29. I fly into Oregon on Aug 22 and will depart Sept 5. My typical trip home in the past was spent with my parents, this time there is more flexibility.
May 3 2023
Joy can come in quick moments. A newborn lamb sparked it for me, and for you it will be a God inspired image that triggers you with your own personalized moment.
I’m viewing my 60 plus pregnant ewes via a cellular video camera. This morning I panned around the field and spied a newborn with his first time mom. As the lamb leaped beside the mom, she turned to look. It did it again, which signifies a full belly and lots of energy. Catching a bit of tall grass on its leap, it slipped, his butt hit the ground. An instant later, one more jump onto on all four legs once more.
It’s the contrast to dark days that makes this moment a joy giver. Lifeless lambs or other personal hardships don’t get to rule out special moments like this. The sun peering though passing clouds and highlighting the hills of Waimea, or a horse galloping in freedom also spark joy in my heart. What’s yours?
May 14
In the last week I’ve watched my lambs get separated from their mothers as the group moved to fresh pasture. They wouldn’t go with the flock. They made up their mind the last place they were in was the safe place. Again I got newborn lambs going with moms toward corral for medical treatment and ear tagging. In the back the lambs started deviating from the rest of herd, going left or right because moms were bunched up and they felt lost. So to avoid being bopped by the adults, they were running from their “felt” trouble.
I’ve noticed that some of the that sees me right after being born will come over to investigate. They haven’t been hurt yet, they are nervous but not trained to run from anything but their own sibling or mom.
May 25
When is enough enough? My effort can feed new spiritual growth, but lacks power to cleanse wrong choices. It is possible to pray, read life-giving books, hear sermons, watch YouTube content, gather with believers, and all types of spiritual effort and miss the point. Am I there and satisfied with my effort to be WITH Him, no, but when I see God’s zeal toward me, I’m changed. He never quits on me. My feelings or thoughts don’t make him leave. Do my choices limit His active, unfailing love towards me? His passion means He’s active and guiding me always.
So the annoying “fly” buzzes and says, “hey are you walking with God this very moment,” or “this morning,” or “did you do this important thing to be in a better relationship with God?” The reality remains that even if weakness in spiritual discipline rears its head, He never quits on me. Jesus is the perfect substitute, not me. I am weak, He is strong. His strength means there is no condemnation when He lives within.
Strength is from facing weakness and yet remembering that Jesus perfection lives within. It’s still not license to do whatever, or believe whatever is convenient. The following example is from my sheep, and they don’t naturally stay inside safe boundaries.
I experience my Lord more each time I feed, protect, medicate, and discipline my sheep. I know how they might die physically by going outside boundaries of the fence into the path of a car, or get tangled in that same fence and strangle. They don’t know this. I’m angry when they think they can poke their head through the boundary because I’ve witnessed sheep with the netting on their neck so tight they choked to death. I pay money for better electric fences and more powerful shocks so this doesn’t happen. But baby lambs are still testing that boundary and some ignore the electric jolt. I don’t give up, I’ll fix the broken fences, check the power, and I’d even yell at them, but once they find one weak spot in the fence, they keep trying.
Becoming more in tune with Holy Spirit means everything to our Father. This love response isn’t a level in a game to improve ourselves, it signals we hear and receive what Jesus declared to us.
May 27
Jesus standard for prayer whetted my appetite today. I saw a lioness, heard the word prey, but also lioness is aware of surroundings for other reasons. Kingdom is near, daily bread is asked for, daily bread is given yet asked for. But it’s not foodstuffs alone. He wants to respond to needs of the heart as well. Peace doesn’t include correct thinking/worldview. Peace is above these things with the promise of fulfillment beyond this age. Infirmities are not the measure of lack. The measure of lack is unbelief.
June 6
Shouting at the top of my lungs at my sheep may move them to the corral for life saving treatment. Every month their blood sucking parasites can only be removed by injecting medication into their mouth or with a needle under their skin. But they can outrun me and they hate being trapped, needled or given oral treatments.
By dumping hay pellets inside the corral, it attracts some sheep inside. If the ones not tempted by the feed pellets run, everyone takes off. The timer starts ticking when the grain is poured out. The wilder sheep need to be inside before the grain is eaten. The entire group is at risk if one makes a break for “freedom” instead of submission to the shepherd interested in their well being.
Choices in our lives that reflect submitting to God will affect more than just you. What looks like a private decision can ripple outwards and cause unnecessary suffering elsewhere. Our personal forms of running from the Good Shepherd’s presence affects those around you. Your obedience to Him means people around you reap the result.
Jun 8
A baby in a mothers womb hears and recognizes the mothers voice, my sheep know my voice after spending time with them. But knowing and understanding a voice are two different things.
After unsettling losses of 3 mama sheep, and the $2480 price tag because a three foot length of wire wrapped around my truck axle, I groaned when realizing my rental car key fob fell from my pocket. “Oh Lord now what” invaded my mind. My fitness app registered something like 4400 steps already and the key was lost in the expansive Waimea pasture.
I felt the Lord reminded me that my wallet snagged on the sheep net fencing while moving it and relief flooded over me, His voice was guiding me. 560 steps later in searching that fence line, I cried out again, “now what?” Six days prior in same field my truck had broken down. Battling discouragement and a thought “did I really hear him tell me where to look” and “is He helping me?” I followed up with “Lord, it is not you causing these troubles,” and walked into a new search area. Within the next 50 steps relief washed over me, the keys spotted just beyond the point where I rebuked the idea He didn’t care.
Our troubles are opportunities to understand Gods voice. We sense His talking similar to babies inside the mothers womb, but understanding His voice begins by believing His thoughts/voice towards us are for our highest and best.
June 9 from May 14
One ewe lamb completely racked by fear would not stop running. My friends and I tried the gentle approach to get it over the hillcrest so it would see and hear its mom. We just moved the main flock to yummy new grass, but eight confused and frightened lambs ran away. During multiple attempts to herd these eight uphill, this one ewe lamb ran back to the old field expecting to find her mom. Each time she did, the other seven raced with her, at the speed of wild rabbits.
At the point of exhaustion during the chase, my two friends and I changed tactics to corner them in a corral instead. Just as I reached to close the gate, off she bounded, away from the other seven. While they caught their breath inside the corral, that ewe lamb kept running in every direction but to her friends. Last tactic left was to run her to the other seven by using my truck, but she was already panting so hard her tongue stuck out. Still she raced everywhere in the football sized field. I drove the truck at her, for I had to make her reach the end of her rope. Minutes later she stood next to the corral. Only her exhaustion made her slow enough that I caught her. Now she and the seven would be reunited with their mothers.
When our actions or thoughts drive us farther from the Good Shepherd, he may use our exhaustion to get our attention, but he will do it to keep us safe.
June 13. This was shared at Calvary community church
Seeing sheep in pain galvanizes me to take action. Thing is the sheep are very hard to catch. They don’t know that I can give them pain killers, or an ointment that speeds their healing. This month many lambs had bacteria invading the soles of their feet. Two weeks ago, I exhausted myself corralling lambs to spray bacteria inhibiting liquid onto their feet. This treatment needs to be repeated for the bad cases or I turn to a stronger and more invasive method.
Why did Jesus wash feet?” He declared to Peter “You shall have no part of me unless I wash your feet.” Peter instantly responded “wash all of me.” Jesus sees you like I as a shepherd see my sheep. He is not ignoring the pain. Jesus said to his disciples “…and you are clean though not all of you.”
Shame, sin, wounds, the dirt of the world is on us. We who are washed by faith still need Jesus’ touch to be fully clean like He did for his disciples in the upper room. The Shepherd doesn’t wait for us to realize it, he is always wanting to minister. Is he allowed to do it?
July 22
Watching through my live camera I saw one ewe inspecting the electric fence line, looking to escape. Behind her was the other 100 plus ewes and lambs ready to charge through any part of the electric net if she found anything. The sheep want greener grass despite the danger of passing cars or of eating something that would make them sick.
The mob effect is once a leader dashes through, creating a 1 foot opening, every other sheep will escape regardless of the fence still being on. My friend saw this happen two days ago and their escapes are happening all too frequently. Now it’s my responsibility to disciple them in order to protect them from being overexposed to barberpole worm larvae, an almost hidden scourge that hatches within 3-5 days and crawls up the grass, eaten by this flock and can cause internal bleeding until the host dies. For this reason I need to create paddocks and move them twice a week, hence the use of portable fencing. The larvae die if not eaten.
This ongoing battle between me and this flock means I must discipline them to respect the boundaries. For every ewe like that leader, they may need to be removed from this flock. My preference is to retrain them. They used to respect the 2,000 volt charge. My electric fence nets are of different ages and in the Hawaii sun they begin to unravel and fall apart. When I make the paddocks bigger to feed and satisfy the sheep, my power levels drop. Also the bad nets means the sheep exploit the weak portions. To retrain them, I’ll need a higher output of 10,000 volts,which can be set to 1.2 second, which drains my battery really fast so normally it’s set to 2 sec pulses. My current experiment is to keep using the nets but run two electric twines in front of the net which I can fully load up to that 10,000 mark.
July 28 2023
Sheep are fearful, yet when they are not it can be a blessing or a curse depending on their choices. My electric fences are a psychological barrier, intended to provide a clean paddock, one without as many barberpole worms that cause anemia and/or death. It also creates better quality food since the high in protein clover and vetch has a chance to grow and not be selectively grazed to death.
When they lose their fear of these electric fences and escape, or their fear of me, they lose those benefits.
Getting them back inside is challenging. I need them to respect me or fear me in a way that they go inside their paddock.
I drive my truck at them, honking my horn. I get out and do everything in my power to get them moving. Yelling, jumping, clapping, waving my coat, yet they have their heads back down eating grass the minute I get a short distance away from them. If they are moving in wrong direction it is more of the same effort to turn them around. After repetitive efforts, they finally go inside.
Our Good Shepherd is directing us. Are we listening, being respectful, and moving into His blessings. The fear (awe) of the Lord leads to safer pastures, also known as wisdom.
Sept 8 2023
I wrote this a year ago: “Coming from a shy background I was unable to communicate in groups. Now I see Jesus’ touch in healing wounds and opening up understanding about my identity. It is a process in which I see Him taking on burdens and being my protector. I almost never raised my hand before I got my cochlear implants. So both physical and emotional healing freed me from burdens and hangups. Is it a finished work? Yes by faith, and yet to be completed when I meet Jesus face to face.”
This mornings reading took me to Psalm 25 from David who was chosen by God, yet human enemies filled with hatred pursued him in order to kill him. “God is fair and just; He corrects the misdirected, Sends them in the right direction. He gives the rejects his hand, And leads them step-by-step.”
Psalms 25:8-9 MSG
https://bible.com/bible/97/psa.25.8-9.MSG
I’m taking comfort in these words. This world is full of narratives which muddy the truth of events, such as how the fires started in Maui. Perceptions fueled by social media and personal life lessons create misguided opinions and sometimes it’s hard to sort through and find the true course of events. Our reading, what we watch, and own experiences can also bring us into a place where we believe a narrative that isn’t true. I just keep taking it to the Lord and ask for wisdom during any disturbing reports on the news or social media. So I focus on Jesus being my protector in this life whether my life is spared or not. Bad things do happen to true believers. Staying ready and replenishing the oil in the lamp has been my prayer. He will always guide us away from error when Jesus comes first in our lives.
Oct 21
One delight as a shepherdess occurs when the babies are born to first time mommas. God created this transformational moment where bonding occurs. It’s exciting to me every time the new mom gives birth, they talk in that special voice even if they are scared to death of this little creature touching them to find the milk. The cleaning and talking to their first baby switches their personality from caring only about themselves to near panic if the baby is out of their sight. It also switches on a desire to chase away intruders like mongoose or my dog. In that moment of bonding they know their babies voice so exactly that it triggers them when their baby cries out when startled, fearful, or just hungry. Unlike pigs who allow piglets from other moms to nurse, a momma sheep will reject any newborn that is not hers after this bonding.
Bonding is God’s desire for us. In seeking Him we receive nourishment, protection, belonging and so much more. Lean into Him for everything for it is what gives life to us.
Oct 27
Being a shepherd is a battleground for life. Starting at about the age of eleven I was confronted with a momma with problem delivering her baby lamb, so the care of sheep has both joy and sorrow. This lamb lives, but other lambs die despite great effort. I’ve noticed other shepherds tell me they try harder, learn more about what their sheep needs for nutrition and help, and still experience the sting of death of their sheep. Mistakes teach us, accidents happen, or we are too late to save a lamb stuck in the birth canal. So we look at losses and wonder what should we should do different. So during the joy of lambing season I walk into the field wondering what will I find. Walking into a field can be gruesome, pigs and dogs have attacked here in Hawaii. King David experienced predators and he was courageous enough to attack the dangerous animals to defend his sheep.
Provider, protector, and courageous. A Good Shepherd.
Undated:
My personal encounter with Loren Cunningham was on a day I was checking sheep and fences. He encouraged me, met me as I was, in what I was doing. In other encounters Loren talked about physical and food security, having food in case of emergencies such as in a disaster. His heart to defend the campus resulted in installing security fencing around the 100 acre campus, a work still in progress. He desired our campus to plan in case of disaster. This is the mark of a Shepherd: provider, security, and courage. Loren obeyed Jesus and preached in every nation, yet met and ministered to staff on a personal level.
My task as a shepherd at YWAM Kona isn’t totally logical to me, however the Lord constantly encourages me to continue. Even while I serve the campus in operations, in communication or worldview schools that enable and train missionaries, I’m called as a shepherd. It takes courage to admit that.
Yet it leads me to think about food and physical security. I use my new chainsaw to cut down flammable trees which also feeds the sheep. I walk the perimeter to check fences to keep out pigs, dogs, or trespassers who cut the newly installed security fence. Joy comes when people experience newborn lambs, especially when God imparts into them that Jesus laid down his life as a sacrificial lamb.
I have a personal request. While I’ve been blessed greatly in the area of finances, I need wisdom. Do I increase hours in calling and writing to ask for missionary financial support or keep my work hours the same? I’m unsure of expanding time to ask for oil jars so that the Lord can fill it with oil of provision for health insurance, truck repairs and future replacement, and other needs I’ve ignored. I love taking time to write devotions and sharing insights as a shepherd, but I want to know if changes need to be made.
Fall 2023
TO Korean students who worked with me in clearing out the brush
In producing food, farmers and gardeners battle to succeed. The battle is against fungus, weeds, certain bacteria, or predators and more. Fires have already whipped through the dry 10 foot tall grass and brush and endangered our campus and our neighbors. Your time is valuable in God’s eyes and your actions reduced this danger.
You helped on a team that I call the fire brigade. Here in Kona, you helped feed the sheep, who graze this land. When you moved the small trees (haole koa) to be mulched, it creates life. Your partnership means the sheep will have feed in the dry season as these pruned trees regrow their leaves. The sheep also eat the brown and green pods, which acts as kindling, where a tiny spark can easily set it on fire.
So see yourselves as God sees you, so valuable he wants to feed you, protect you, give you a meaningful purpose. Let him crush your life weeds and useless branches into the soil of new beginnings.
Nov 2023
Catching wayward sheep is both a joy and a hassle. During yesterday’s church service a text message said a sheep was on Kuakini Hwy. As I drove up I passed an idling car on the highway shoulder, then saw the fat black and white ewe standing atop the rock wall nearby. I instantly recognized her as the mom of triplet lambs born this month.
The mom bleated at the top of her voice, her lambs answered. She didn’t remember how to get back inside the field to them. While I created bigger opening in the fence, a lady in that idling car pulled up beside me. I asked her to stand nearby to keep the ewe away from traffic. Just as I was about to catch this somewhat tame ewe, a policeman pulled up beside us. Breaking off a branch of haole koa for a bribe I got the ewe to stand still long enough for me to catch her. I walked her inside the field, the officer helped me briefly to close the gap, and the lady told me her story. She had called 911 and they hung up on her. She tried other numbers, asking for animal control. I was impressed with her persistence and she was impressed with seeing a shepherd in action.
What is the moral of this story?
What does Jesus mean when He said we will not be hungry or thirsty? He’s talking about an inner craving that can only be satisfied with Himself. Our work is to believe His words. Our ministry or paid occupation is meant to be the overflow from this belief, not the focus. Obedience is about joining in His work, not creating our own value system in “how good we are.”
I dreamed of small villages where homeless can take care of basic needs. A place where they grow food, connect deeply with each other, experience healing of inner wounds and so on. This morning I saw that the homeless are not just those living in tents on sidewalks or in the bush. Jesus does the ultimate work about those cravings so we are never hungry or thirsty. That means community transformation starts inside every person. Attitudes that shortchange God’s plan stems from our belief system. We box God in by losing sight of His love and displays of His power. The displays of His power are acts of mercy, a giving of bread from heaven, a renewal that stems from His unchanging character.
Dream with God, hear what He is saying, see His mighty works displayed, and you will not be hungry or thirsty
Nov 30
As the era of COVID-19 lockdowns fades from memory, so does the emotional impact of that season which rocked our world. Sadness, loneliness, and apathy invaded normal routines. As an essential worker I still went about taking care of 150 sheep, being almost the only driver on the road to Waimea, an hour away. YWAM zoom meetings became the only other allowed work activity during the lockdowns.
As a season it was a low point in my life, unsure of myself, wondering what was going on and feeling very strange. Even greater losses may have occurred to some of you. Yet I’m seeing God’s comfort and restoration in a new light and pray this is happening to you as well.
2023 comes away as a huge contrast, even with my beloved dad’s passing in February. God’s word leaps off the page, overflowing my heart and filling me with gratitude. Bad circumstances don’t knock me off my feet in the same way it did before. I hold onto my dreams to see if they will come to pass. All while celebrating 21 years with YWAM Kona.
Being willing to write devotions is one recent change. I love the results, as I sense God’s pleasure while seeking words to write. Many of these appear on my Facebook page. I love my Monday YWAM gatherings, as it is an opportunity to pray and receive prayer, sharing what God reveals to us as a group.
I also sense it is a time to ask for help. Would you consider giving toward my financial needs on a monthly basis? Dental needs, truck repairs and other big ticket issues are well above my current income. I could buy dental insurance but it their payout is capped at $1,000 per year and more work is needed.
April 16, 2024
The Bible project is whispering new truths to me. Some newer, some still to be evaluated, some just hits me with needed revamping of how I view God.
I still want to appease God. I couch it in words “please Him.” God said our work is to believe and then I go grab at “if only” I could do this better I’ll become more “clean or acceptable”. The Hebrew Scriptures show the sacrifices and it feels foreign. But God doesn’t need blood. He doesn’t need our animals or other gifts. He is the one giving us the gift. “All is gift” I remember from the video series. He stopped Abraham from slaying his son. He stopped Moses from offering his life for the whole Jewish tribe. He stopped the Jewish people from doing only what they thought was the way to become better. He also stopped them from self-destructing.
God is stopping the thought that my action of “doing the right stuff” will appease Him. Faith is the thing that pleases Him. Believing in His gifts. Washing of feet=gift. Delivering us from evil=gift Food=gift Praying for us=gift Giving us wisdom=gift Recreating/revamping our mind=gift. The contagion of evil touched the world, and will be completely bleached away in Jesus new kingdom. By faith it takes place n raelites. Moses walked through fire to top of mountain. In Daniel the men were protected from burning. For Isaiah, the fire touched his lips and purified him.
April 28
One individual sheep has no protection. Yet I witnessed a new momma sheep place her body between an intruder and her lamb. Her just born lamb had no speed and she knew it. She was willing to take the blows from any attacker even though she has no defenses like horses teeth or the ability to strike or.kick. This momma reaction can be seen at the 10:30 mark on the Sheep Game vlog https://youtu.be/hJBrsTdoyHY?si=OdFB7hjG9EMdfFWp
Even though in the video the intruder was the shepherd, my own flock had a group reaction to their perceived danger. In this case there were no just born lambs and even the youngest baby lamb will fly with their mother, twisting and turning as one unit, back to the safety of the flock:s huddle.
We are not meant to be alone. When danger or struggle comes, the correct place to run is to the Ultimate protector, and He designed us to be in units, like families and communities.
April 30,2024
Yesterday I let the bottle lambs out of their enclosure. Even though I feed them, make sure they have shade and safety they will run away from me. But they were the true expression of joy. They leap and run and play. After they stop, they might look for me, they might not. I keep my eye on them to make sure their newfound freedom doesn’t put them in danger.
Later on a grandma pushed a stroller with a quiet and outwardly calm girl to the farm. The three baby lambs came right up to this preschool aged girl, curious to see her and they even touched the stroller. I observed the girl not being quite sure what to do. Grandma took her out of the stroller and still the lambs stayed nearby. Quite the contrast to the previously posted video of lambs being chased and they are running away.
That evening I stopped by the lamb’s enclosure again to greet another mom with two elementary aged children. These kids wanted not only to watch them but to hold them. (Even in that video of the momma being chased in a large field in Waimea, I knew my friends wanted to catch one to enjoy holding a baby lamb.)
So I opened the gate and the three lambs came out in a huddle, nibbling on grass, and also springing into the air just a tiny bit. They watched the two older kids closely but didn’t approach them. They young lad was keen to interact but didn’t know how. He approached them in quick, fast movements, they responded by moving away in the same manner. It looked just like “catch me if you can.”
He tried harder, they only ran fast enough to keep a safe distance away. Meanwhile they come over to me occasionally and I could catch them if needed. I knew if they felt safe, they would approach this young lad like they did earlier that morning to the girl.
What is your takeaway from this story?
may 14
Willful and stubborn sheep polluting their land
200 hungry sheep and no sheepdog makes it crazy difficult to push them into their prepared paddock. To safeguard their health and also from getting out onto the road they have to obey my voice. But their heads are down, each doing their own thing. The majority are not heeding my truck horn, the slap of the whip, or my voice. This occurred after moving the water, the security cameras, unrolling 1000 feet of electric twine, setting up the posts, vaccinating all 80 plus lambs. I’m so tired.
I drive my truck across the pasture to herd them, they move only if the truck is about to bump into them, then drop their heads to the grass. Others decide to trot off in every direction except into their safe enclosure. I have to jump out of the truck, snap the whip/flag, but they wait until I’m gone and return to the just cleared area of their field. An hour later the last renegade is inside and I can stop chasing them.
They cannot see they polluted the pasture grass with their droppings, which holds tiny barberpole eggs. These hatch into larvae which crawl up to the top of their grass in as little as three days later. At a certain tipping point these larvae will cause a lamb or a ewe to bleed to death if the infestation is too high.
To prevent this the electric fences divide the fields into a just grazed area and an area ready to receive mommas and babies onto grass not grazed for two months. This helps keep just hatched larvae from being ingested. All to say that keeping their head down in the stolen grass will be their downfall unless the Shepherd persists in making provision for their safety.
May 27
One thing that thrills me is when a newborn lamb whose instinct is
to follow its momma actually walks toward me. Their innocence is still there. Their trust has not been broken. Instinct causes the bonding between the mother and the lamb and at that stage it hasn’t fully formed. The uncertain first steps it takes took it direct to first drink of milk. Satisfied, it usually wants to sleep. But some are thrilled about their new environment. They explore and when it walks up to me my heart melts.
May30
First a reaction to Tim Mackie’s 5 podcasts on the book of Jonah. While I recognize he is a fallen, not perfect disciple of God, my heart thrills and his partnership with the Holy Spirit gets into the deep places of my heart. Jonah is meant to get us to ponder our hypocritical beliefs. Meant to caricature those tendencies. The reality of our enemy does things in us that makes us angry, and then we get on our high horse of superiority. I recognized then and now that the uncomfortable truth that I can be unfair, hard headed/hearted toward another person. Anger at my sheep has flared and made me wonder what the heck! It is exposing the reality that mercy alone makes a way forward to God’s goodness. And God is making my heart softer, that is HIS promise.
Cool insights include the scriptures include animals in the grand scheme. Not only are the people of nivah prove to be soft hearted, they are on God’s mind, but the animals are included!! See the last sentence of Jonah.
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This last lambing season, I ended up with four lambs that got rejected by their mom, or their mom died. Also, two additional rejected lambs showed up, and those were adopted by other mama ewes. Yet one of those adopted lambs fell behind, and it later revealed that the two-teat milk supply was on one side with abundant supply, with the other half barely producing. For just over one month, while the bottle lambs each received their daily five cups of milk replacer, I assumed this fifth one got enough from its adopted mom. But she wasn’t. Normally a lamb like her will not switch to eating from a bottle, but she was showing interest at bottle feeding time. To my surprise, she did like the taste of the milk replacer.
To feed the mama ewe, I moved her to new grass away from my expensive feed reserved for the bottle lambs. So the adoptive family went to our food forest pasture just behind the bottle-feeding area. In between them and the bottle lambs was a wooden panel, with a hole to allow lambs in to eat, but block the mama ewe from entering.
Now that it was time to stop feeding milk, I wanted this struggling baby to get more high-protein grain that I could only buy when I was in Hilo, nearly two hours away. The thief was her huge adoptive brother and he bullied everybody. So in trying to get her to eat grain, I would bring her in, and leave her with the other bottle-fed lambs, only to see her disappear in search of her not helpful “mom.” Try as she might, there was nearly no milk for her since her brother took the favored side each time. Each time I found and fixed her escape to the non-productive mom, she always pushed through somewhere else. First, it was holes created by the wild piglets, then she learned to push up the unfastened fence and go back. That was bad enough, but the most independent boy who got daily milk rations followed her actions. So both were not getting access to their grain rations.
Jun 9
A most holy moment dreaming of fulfillment, meaning, and God’s desires for me and all creation.
my dream had an unknown dark insect all facing the same way, and later i saw what appeared to be a bat, so all the insects were in formation around this bat which upon reflection meant they were surrounding their leader or queen. I later saw those wonderful blue eyed geckos all over a limb in the room, and as I approached they are jumping away from me onto the wall where this hoard of scary insects and bats are. then I woke up
I had a playdate with Jesus. No physical limits. we dove into ocean and explored together in a dance like the birds swooping in unison. No fear, breathing the water and seeing treasures, orderly and majestic, in each area.
play was with my mind too, the sensory input was exquisite and totally in track with not having to have a house, land, or problems. Just an Eden space with God, a unity like the bees, but with full expression of the creator’s mind within
Many many images went through my mind, joy at the promise to be fulfilled, our life on earth is full of bad/good but on this playdate the images were of wholesome purity, harmony, being united with Jesus, Father, HS and sensing their pleasure.
I also noted the image of my sheep refusing water, and demanding the fresh stuff I gave them yesterday. I tried to give them pure water before, they jumped into it and polluted it. so that’s the water they won’t drink. The pressure was low and they fought each other to get a drink, not taking turns or sharing. I smacked any who tried to pollute the water again by jumping in.
June 25
Stubborn sheep. But they can change too. One of this year’s bottle fed lamb’s personality really demonstrated independence. He would often be in a different area of the paddock, then start crying his heart out not just for milk but for them to pay attention to him. Yet he was the one that missed his grain, since he kept looking for something better. The paddock has a flimsy wire barrier atop a rock wall, so if he jumped into the back, there was no return. He would start yelling at the top of his voice long and loud. I could hear him from my condo. I patched the hole in the barrier, but then he would do it again. But that journey started when another lamb his age that I wrote about earlier this month. She needed the grain but would not stay in the pen where the grain was fed. He followed her over the rock wall barrier only a couple of times, and so she taught him to go off on his own. She had to be removed to another field, so that grain stopped for her.
And now he’s changed. He realized his grain was coming from me. His provision was always there but he needed to remain near his source.
Ring any bells? My life is being changed not by what I do, but who I remain close to. And now as I see my first love once again, my heart is excited and refreshed far more often.
July 31
Belief tree
This morning I was pondering Darlene Cunningham’s teaching on the belief tree. Somehow the visual image of the massive and magical tree in the Avatar movie got stuck in my head.
When I think about Avatar’s “belief” tree, I disagree with their worldview, yet I ponder the idea of life within that tree. It was worth defending.
Do we know Jesus is our Tree of Life? Lies that remain in our brain acts just like those bulldozers and men in Avatar digging and trying to uproot the space that doesn’t belong to them. If it took a community to “defend” that tree in the Avatar movie, it also takes a Holy Spirit infused community to defend and believe what God has promised to us individually and corporately.
Our work is to believe and follow Jesus. He leads the charge not necessarily with physical weapons, but with truth and righteousness. Our acts of service don’t corner the most difficult frontier; it’s the inner battle within us, wrong beliefs that cut and bleed us or the people around us. What you believe about God determines how the kingdom appears now and in the future. Belief in the unfailing love that never disappears, never lacks power, and never abandons is the actual currency in this kingdom. If you trust in Jesus’ unfailing love, remember that the Holy Spirit and the Father are included in that belief. Your concepts about the Father and whether the Holy Spirit is with you will influence your choices. Is it complicated? Just imagine that the enemy loses power when we recognize a tiny being with a megaphone behind the curtain, controlling us with fear and intimidation. That is a reference to the Wizard of Oz. It is also a reference to the final status of the “bulldozer” in our minds.
I’m imagining with faith the kingdom of God here now, by acknowledging His promises is being fulfilled now and in the future. I’m imagining all promises fulfilled like this verse below, and that creates the framework where the intimidator loses his power over my brain: Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God. Hebrews 11:10
What do you do with frustration about your circumstances? Though the sad, angry, or annoyed emotions play havoc with my peace, they don’t need to control my decisions.
About 23 adult sheep or baby lambs died in the past three months. There were many different causes for their deaths, and now I’m currently trying to keep two dog bite victims alive.
Many frustrations arise as this occurs. The veterinarian won’t answer my calls, they are overworked and also have a $250 emergency fee charge upfront. Three years ago, two dogs attacked sheep in Honokaa, and 17 eventually perished, but 30 others suffered cuts and bites that would get infected without antibiotics. Friends and strangers came to help. They donated money, or helped me with giving antibiotic shots during the following weeks.
Fear sets in and I wrestle with it often. Did I give them the correct medication, or is it effective? Will they heal? What is causing their deaths? How can I protect them from their own mistakes?
What about the ones that roll over on their backs by accident, or lie under a tree that fell on them? Then I feel guilty that I didn’t see the problem in time.
My truest recourse for this frustration is to imagine the promised future where there are no tears—a land abounding with milk and honey. I imagine a ranch with water accessible in all paddocks, sheep that don’t need to run away, and sheep that don’t die on their backs or get killed by dogs. I believe Jesus gives rewards now, but the best one is yet to come. I remember Joseph, I remember Abraham, I remember David. They didn’t see the total fulfillment of their promises right away. So I trust and believe in God’s promises in spite of circumstances. Do i do it well… not really. But my decision is firm. He IS FAITHFUL.
Aug 3
Maintaining hope. For me it’s slowing down and appreciating beauty. I see the verdant green hills of Waimea, so steep that it probably takes horses to gather the cattle down to the corrals. It’s when a sheep that normally is afraid of me comes near and just hangs out. Waterfalls truly inspire me. It’s grasping the total power of the universe to the infinite reaches, all the way down to the essence of a DNA chain that powers life. None of this life energy can possibly be bigger than the Creator of it all.
The idea that He separated the water below from the waters above captured my wonder and awe. Clouds didn’t exist? It started around the time he created rainbows as a promise of never flooding the earth totally again. His breath formed us, and that “spark” in his eye is the reason for our existence. Rewiring my thoughts to the honorable and excellent things is shifting my focus into a better realm, a place of rest and trust. Awe and wonder from a child discovering amazing things is more than it appears on the surface, it is a bridge to our Creator. It acts like a reset button, clearing the way for our future hope to grow and trust in our Creator’s plan.
Aug 4 inspired by:
The first of the new covenant blessings brings intimate fellowship with God (individuals will ‘know’ Him); the second part of the agreement’s blessing (the forgiveness of sin) actually makes possible the first: ‘They will all know Me … for I will forgive their iniquity …’ (31:34). The genuine imprint of true religion, Jeremiah teaches, is not the offshoot of such admonitions as ‘know the Lord!’ (verse 34a) but is the result of one’s inner experience of God’s freely bestowed forgiveness.
In a parallel prophecy, Ezekiel assures God’s covenant people that the Lord, Himself, will cleanse them, sprinkling them, as it were, with pure water (36:25). God does the work sovereignly. We are not unlike Abraham in Genesis 15 who, while Yahweh passed between the pieces of slain animals, sat off to the side receiving God’s covenantal blessings. The Lord does not change His mind about the recipients of His love and will never permit us to be separated from the Messiah’s love (Rom. 8:35–39). To put it another way: God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16); He has married His people for better or for worse.
Two Hebrew words, often used in the context of marriage, may help us better understand the depths of God’s commitment to us. There is a general love (ahabah), which launches a marriage. It is profound in itself. But it is chesed, a gracious and faithful loving-kindness, that sustains the relationship overtime. It is that love—‘the chesed given to David’—in which Isaiah particularly delights (55:3). Earlier in the chapter where Jeremiah announces the promise of the new covenant, he employs both Hebrew words that God’s people might be encouraged to rest securely in His grace: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love (ahabah); therefore I have continued to love (chesed) you’ (Jer. 31:3). These are words for us to live by—a divine pledge of God’s surging, passionate love in sunshine or shadow.
‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my faithful, covenant love for you will not be shaken’ (Isa. 54:10).
Stuart D. Sacks, Revealing Jesus as Messiah: Identifying Isaiah’s Servant of the Lord (Fearn, UK: Christian Focus Publications, 1998), 74–76.
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Our posture toward God is meant to be receiving what is completed. Imagine eternal water flowing over us, signifying a waterfall of forgiveness; it is a state of righteousness given in the same manner he gave it to Abraham.
When the sick man was lowered from the roof into Jesus’ presence, that man’s sins were forgiven publicly and for all time. How are each of us doing in receiving these words into our lives? Are we seeing only failure or a cleanness that comes from believing we are rescued? There is no on and off button; it is on our side. Is the gift accepted or rejected?
When Jesus spoke those words to that paralyzed man, he was declaring them to all humanity. God’s gift is that our hearts become clean by faith by trusting HIM like Abraham did. So even if I struggle with anxiety or flesh-based attitudes, I can look at Jesus, whose promises are real. His Spirit contended with and defeated the accuser. Do our feelings matter more than this truth?
I woke up and experienced anger and fear in the first five minutes. My dog’s fear is so extreme that she often waits until her bladder is nearly bursting before she will relieve herself. While I waited outside with her, all she wanted was to rush back into the house, I blocked her path three times before she actually did what she was supposed to do. This struggle has been going on for three years.
Right after that, I spy a seven-inch centipede racing underneath my dining table. I’m freaking out. I rushed into the kitchen to grab tongs, a spatula, or anything to smack it dead. But it was hiding upon my return. I’m thinking how long will it be before it appears again. I dragged the couch, recliner, and other things, and thankfully, it appeared, and my heart was totally racing as I smacked it with a long-handled spoon. Then it gets flushed down the toilet! Then I could calm down.
Thanks for reading this far. I’m humbled and encouraged when it blesses you.
**********below is a request for ministry partners who can advise, pray or give gifts*******
I’ve volunteered with Youth with a Mission for 20+ years. YWAM’s principle for finances is trusting God for our needs. We do not receive a salary.
I feel like a slave to credit cards and wrestle with how to handle truck breakdowns, and other things like dental care. I receive some sheep income and donations. Will you help me sort out paying off approximately $20,000? I’m still reluctant to write to you and ask for help. So I first inquired of the Lord and asked what to do, and this seems to be the answer. In the light of His power and love, this need is easy for the Lord. Yet He does it via partnering with people.
my donation link: https://apply.ywamkona.org/staff/s/donate?id=5227
Aug 5
Wild thought for the day: Submitting to God is like submitting to an Olympic expert who trains the body and mind to excel in extraordinary ways. Horses in the Olympics are trained like gymnast Simone Biles has been trained. In Dressage, horses’ feet need to move in a symmetrical but difficult pattern. They dance. How does any human body do amazing feats, with feet landing spot on to the acclaim of thousands in an audience? The same thing is true for these Olympic horses. They yielded to a trainer’s touch and wisdom to get where they are. They practiced. Humans or animals are not machines that end up at this final stage in a competition at the flick of a switch.
My paying attention to God in fear is way different from my paying attention because of a loving, trusting relationship. No horse in the Olympics reaches that stage by negative teaching. There is a bond between horse, rider, and trainer.
What this means for me is when negative thoughts dominate my mind, I need my trainer’s reassurance over and over again. That connection is not coming from doing A. B. C. methods, it goes much deeper than that. It reaches the inner parts where fear resides and says I believe my trainer’s intentions are for my good, and he is faithful. Watching a good trainer, having a good teacher, and having someone in your life with the purest motives is key to doing things with excellence. Go beyond learning about Jesus, the perfect one in motive and intentions, and be in tune with what he really thinks about you. Not disappointed in you, for he knows your weakness already, he knows your need already, he longs that our self-imposed resistance melts in his loving gaze.
Aug 6
This week, I watched Olympic athletes and listened to their stories. In TV interviews, many talk about mental focus. All have experts in their lives with wisdom and knowledge, but if they lose focus, the training is for naught. Yesterday I learned that top-rated women gymnasts absolutely need to keep their eyes glued to exactly one spot on the balance beam as they do their flips and land again. Each time on the balance beam, this essential component determines the outcome.
Where our mind goes, so does our hope. When anxiety enters my mind, it can feel like there’s no way out. I’ve fought against anxiety with will-power. I’ve processed some underlying past trauma. I’ve commanded the enemy to leave in Jesus’ name. Now I’m realizing it’s a journey about constantly gluing my inner eyes on Jesus. Even the strongest and most experienced athlete must focus. I’m discovering that new zeal and joy grows within me as I point my eyes in confidence to Him, and His promises. My emotions might waver, but Emmanuel remains steady, He is with me.
Aug 7’[[[[“But I think this is the strange thing about hearing passages in the Bible over and over again, or when the gospel becomes familiar, is you lose that vital edge that pierces your heart.”
From Exploring My Strange Bible: Jesus’ Final Words, Mar 4, 2018
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-final-words/id1271147429?i=1000404867223
This material may be protected by copyright.]]]]]
Coming to grips with deep inner longing is a deep and intimate part of my journey these days. Oddly enough, being an Oregonian gave me a great appreciation for the green fir forests and wide expanses of Willamette Valley’s grass fields. Moments ago, tears came as I connected to the fact that living in this place where local people look to sunsets and the Pacific Ocean for beauty, I’m still intimately wired for green…mountains and valleys of a green kingdom. However, I begin to recognize that a yet deeper longing always wired into me is for Eden, a place where you are at rest with one perfect human being, Jesus.
My deep longing arrives from something other than green fields. It’s satisfied in the Spirit of God, yet at present, something in me still demands I do something more. This is at odds with the restful place my Rescuer wants me to live in each day.
This morning, I heard this online pastor say this: “But I think this is the strange thing about hearing passages in the Bible over and over again, or when the gospel becomes familiar: you lose that vital edge that pierces your heart.” This happened to me. Familiar scriptures often triggered the “I already know this” …response. Now it has become “I need this like I need water, and now triggers a deeper relationship with Jesus.
In Jesus, my longing is always heard, and my questions are answered not in my intellect but deeper within. “Be still and know I am God.” It’s the invitation to remain within the presence of King, Creator, Priest, Lover in human form, whose name is Jesus. And He always said, “if you see me, you see the Father.”
Aug 8
When I was about 18 years old, I had this discussion in my Grandma’s kitchen. I had declared, “We are saints in Christ,” and she kept saying, “No, we are sinners.” It went back and forth a few times, and neither of us changed our minds. Several decades later, I’m having this discussion with myself. Funny thing is that I had skimmed over for many years the part where Paul called himself Chief of Sinners. Paul also wrote we inherited God’s promises of a firstborn son, acting with great authority. In other words, a saint.
Still God left Paul with a reminder, a thorn, and in paraphrased words, my grace is sufficient for you. My spiritual food for today was realizing Jesus declared multiple times that all is finished. This comes by accepting God’s promises like Abraham did. By God’s spoken words, I now carry the image of Jesus, the perfect one. A new creation. So when I fail, struggle, question or any manner have a problem, I have help. 26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Ro 8:26–28.
One more thing. Luke 19:40 …Rocks will cry out… We might see ourselves as ordinary, yet certain ordinary-looking rocks viewed with ultraviolet light will glow with brilliant colors. Under God’s light in our redeemed lives, Jesus glows within us, all essential elements in place, a finished work.
Aug 9
Our state of being with ourselves and others often points out flaws in our trust in the Lord. I can be a very calm person, unruffled and steady, yet either blow up internally or externally when a trigger above my tolerance level occurs. When anxiety occurs for me, I need to examine my triggers and ask for the Lord’s help.
As we yield to the Lord’s active, purposeful, personal training, he exposes inner flaws like impatience, unrighteous anger, selfishness, and so on. He knows your pressure tolerance. He is not trying to scare you; his goal is that ungodly fear loses its hold on you and trust increases.
What is uncomfortable training? God’s words piercing our heart, something that stretches us mentally, perhaps something that sounds like it’s not from the Lord, but it actually is. If we are ticked off when a truth is expressed, it’s time to uncover why this happened. Learn why you are being triggered. Did it feel like an attack against your identity? Many reasons can come up. God’s unique and tailor-made training can help you find out. I’m only speaking about triggers when a truth is expressed, not an injustice occurring against you.
God tests us regarding money, a relationship crisis, health, what is our future and so on. Stress and/or grief are going to occur; we are not yet in our new and promised incorruptible bodies. As a personal example (which assumes brain chemistry is normal), I am not accepting anxiety as a way of life; I can recover quicker as I refocus on the Lord, listen to His truth, and use breathing exercises.
He trains us to internalize the words within Romans 7 and 8. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. ESV Ro 7:17. Sin occurs, we recover by acknowledging our fault but also train our minds to know this is not who we are. Keep receiving the gift given to us by Jesus and drop like a hot potato any guilt for unintentional sin during your recovery phase.
Remember…Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. His grace is sufficient for every thorn.
Sat aug 10
Where does the power to transform our minds come from? Getting truth into our deepest being takes time and repetition. And the following parable is from watching a horse trainer on YouTube.
For horses to become rideable, they are chosen, fed, and tamed. Can you then climb on them and tell them where to go? Many repetitions of touching, giving rewards, and exposure to scary things all play together to help the horse be safe for the rider, but also for himself. A horse tied to a post must control himself from rearing backward if something spooks it. It’s a danger to himself and those around him.
What are the cues a horse understands? Boss horses use their teeth, their ears, their body language, and an aggressive approach to their peers to control them. Peace from these things is their reward. When they move according to the boss horse, the pressure is taken away. This is for a wild horse herd to escape a mountain lion, they must form a group and race as one being. They have a leader that makes this happen.
I watched the YouTube of a professional trainer taking a perfectly calm-looking horse and finding a trigger that made them unsafe. Like people, each one is different. The horses’ natural being is to fight or flee from danger. Tame or not, they still react to danger. They are taught to discern what is not real danger, and it requires tapping their body or waving a scary object. This pressure is their training. His intention is never to harm or to beat them into submission; his intention is to educate them on trust, to know that as a leader, he will protect them, expose them to what appears to be scary, and show them that it is not actually going to kill them or cause a life-threatening injury. He is teaching them to respect him as a leader.
My takeaway from watching this horse trainer is when he talked about wanting the horse to know his intentions. He has a whip in his hand, a bridle, a rope. Each is scary in the beginning. When the trainer unveils his pure intentions, patience, and understanding, the horse is transformed.
Aug 11
I battle to keep these crazy sheep from escaping their boundaries. Just two days ago, I’m stomping after my sheep that are outside of their boundary (twice in one week.) They know where they are supposed to be, but always keep testing their boundary. My act of love is to move them inside the electric fence once more. But they want that good and perfect food on their own terms, so they keep testing their boundaries and will always escape if the power goes off.
Unlike Jesus I became exhausted, for they know my arm is short, so they stay just out of reach, they scatter in all four directions. I also use my truck to herd sheep, and busted my truck tire a week ago because I drove over a bent steel post hidden in the grass; it was unrepairable and cost $750 to replace. I also get angry. In that flock are numerous sheep that I’ve raised by feeding them milk because their mom died. Those tame sheep are the hardest ones to get to move. They’ve stopped, put their head down and keep eating no matter what unless I can sneak up on them and smack their butt. It’s a game of catch me if you can.
Shifting gears here, I started to write about love. We always need it. Yet when act as if we are not loved, we’ve moved into a realm God doesn’t want us to live in. My mind or flesh rebels in a certain fashion and now we are faced with a Shepherd who did more than become exhausted with us. His whole existence, willingly being executed, and his resurrection all loudly shout stay inside my LOVE.
Aug 12
Receiving God’s promises comes by faith. Hope is believing for something beyond our current situation. Our perception of God’s Love directs our choices. In other writings I’ve described wrestling with my weakness. I ask questions: When am I going to experience freedom? I can declare aloud, “I am free,” but at the same moment, I wrestle with, “How true is that?” Hope, faith and love are so familiar, yet so mysterious.
Israel cried out for freedom with great groaning, they suffered, they experienced loss of their children because of evil. How different is it today? Parents, wife/husband, children, or deeply connected friends have died or run away from us. What happened? Deep questions need deep answers.
Ask: Do the wounds of childhood (and adulthood) completely vanish? Is healing a real thing? Do I have a high enough level of trust so healing takes place? (I’m honest and answer no, but Jesus in me says YES and creates a new human, his decision is unchanging) Does the promised new reality come at the snap of finger once we believe Jesus? Or can you say with Apostle Paul, “I’m content with much, or with little?” Paul’s attitude is connected to the new covenant, a power outside of himself that came within him.
Imagine the power which overshadowed Mary so that Jesus, the perfect human, became an embryo within her. This is the same power that installed a new creation within you. It is the same power that reached into dust and created Adam. The same power to transform our minds acknowledges that though we are chief of sinners, a new and redeemed life already birthed is growing inside us. Faith begets this new life because of God’s promise. Again, acknowledge Yahweh’s creative power plus “I am with you” is active in us by faith…and receive the promised and completed gift.
Aug 13
One predictable trait of sheep is selective hearing. My sheep can hear me and ignore me, or they might hear me but have their own ideas of what I want. The ones that actually follow where I’m leading them are rock stars. However, I will still gather them together to send them to the correct place. Boundaries equal protection, so I prefer to not leave them to their own decisions.
So take comfort in God’s intentions toward you. He is, first and foremost, a rescuer. He made sure Joseph, Jesus’ guardian, took Mary and Jesus away from an evil king bent on killing all the boys. He also guided the nation of Israel away from the evil King who enslaved them. God’s intention is to rescue, to be a superhero. In my memory, we don’t attribute evil to any of the superheroes in movies. Instead, when we see someone like an evil king bent on destruction coming towards us, we cry out for rescue, and if we trust the rescuer, it will happen.
Aug 14
Curiosity is so evident in sheep. There is a stage where a newborn lamb might approach and follow me if I’m near enough. Even while the mom bleats to get her lamb to follow her, the lamb watches me. The ones that run up to me just melt my heart. It is my reward.
While God doesn’t need a reward like that, I do imagine He is pleased. Now step back a moment and imagine this pleasure coming from He who created sun, moon and stars, yet loves people; who has more followers than any social media star; and is the ultimate leader of all nations.
My love language is time. As a single person it’s not likely to be fully met by those around me. Yet my superhero gives me more than just time in a day. This love connection isn’t weakened on His side at all no matter what. Try reimagining Solomon’s song regarding devoted and unchanging love as a song over you. That book’s poetry unravels beauty and thrills beyond our current understanding. Deep connection of love…it heals.
Aug 15
Today I struggle with how to describe this fresh bread from the Lord.
At this very moment, I’m basking on the shores of the promised land. It is by faith this kingdom Jesus talked about is happening in my heart. I’m living on every word that proceeds out of God’s mouth. He’s filling it with one visual illustration after another that demonstrates how I live as a citizen of heaven.
It’s a place of peace, like the contentment of a weaned child resting on his or her mother’s chest. Being loved, knowing real pleasure. While I acknowledge my weakness, to miss the mark…sin still exists, but God declared it powerless. To renew my mind, I remain as a daughter, seated with Christ, and say to the deceiving one…”Get out.”
It is not I that is making this “bread.” Satan attempted to get Jesus to solve his hunger problem. “Tell these stones to become bread.” I’m receiving life in the Holy Spirit, which is yielding my trust into a very perfect and trustworthy Creator, King, Friend, Rescuer, mother, brother, or sister. May your mind be refreshed daily by this manna, Jesus himself. My puny words fail to describe it, but His teachings give life.
Aug 16
Three sheep injured in a dog attack a while ago are still hurting and sick. I kept them in a small field where I could check them daily. One had been inches away from dying. Yesterday I wanted them to follow me to a new pasture. I had kept them fed, so they began to accept my presence. However, I also poked them with antibiotic shots and poured a vile liquid down their throat to kill the unseen invaders, a blood-sucking parasite that lives in their digestive system. So in their mind, food good, medicine bad. Yet, I’m the one who treated them kindly both times, but they don’t understand.
They did come, but as soon as they could grab their own first fresh bite of grass, they lost their focus. I kept calling which no longer worked, then I got behind them and pressured them to move into their new place. Hmm, sound familiar?
Aug 18
Surprise! Dixie does recognize that she can herd sheep. I was rather certain her fear would keep her from understanding that. Well, it still affects her performance, but it does not rule out who she is. She at her core, from her parentage, has the needed gift I desire. How to remove her fear or lessen it is my real challenge. Just watching her move forward toward the sheep was thrilling. It had already happened in the past, but I needed to be able to steer/guide her to the correct position. That’s where the communication broke down. Her misunderstanding of my intentions is the block between us. The voice command she knows well is to come to her name. She’s received treats, loud verbal excitement, and touch that reassures her. If she’s fearful, all that goes out the window, she’s stuck.
Just after she got the sheep moving by just getting close enough to them, we got them through the gate. I was so excited. I praised her from afar, she recognized my pleasure and ran back to me. I gave her all the wonderful touches she adores. I gave her all the food I had in my pocket. Five minutes later I call her name. I whistle. I bend over and wave my arms. She is frozen. Not following me or coming. I see this consistently. She finally does get the message, but I don’t have insight into her mind to help her. I want her to have freedom, but she needs to receive it.
Aug 19
What bugs me about lambs who have been fed bottles of milk is that after they are weaned, they become way too independent. These ones who clearly know my voice and have responded quickly when I have a bottle of milk, often behave like sheep that never got fed or loved. Where is the loyalty?
When they do come to me, and I don’t have food in my hand, it amazes me. What amazes me even more is when sheep that didn’t get this royal treatment put their trust in me.
I have new understanding of Jesus as my shepherd when I’m looking at him. When I’m examining the things he said. When I replace internal lies with what he believes about me. This is my daily bread, it is also an active forgiveness, for he knows our weaknesses and loves us anyway. “Give us each day our daily bread and forgive our sins.”
Aug 20
My fear rose as I viewed the Waimea sheep through the cellar wireless camera this morning. Some are deathly sick, and I have been blaming myself, which is not a healthy reaction. I needed God’s comfort. As I wrote this, I heard via a podcast: “Perfect love casts out fear.”
Several lambs or adults have swelling under their jaw, which is a tell-tale signal of severe infestation and that they are bleeding internally. Two dead so far. This story is not new to me. I have saved them with medical treatments, and I have lost them. I’ve researched what to do, and know it is the number one killer of sheep everywhere. For right now I just want to talk about that fear, not how or why these sheep get sick.
When things go well, I get the idea that I’ve got control over the problem. When things go wrong, I battle to get back on track. My new choice is spending more time dwelling on perfect Love. Yes I take action and give medical treatments but I also need to acknowledge internally to view sad circumstances differently than my default mode. Jesus’ mode of talking to his Father included being truthful. This has many layers, but for this morning, I’m replacing lies with truth. God is with me; He is my comfort; He is not cracking a whip; His love endures forever.
Aug 21
My personal coach taught me so many things, I feel so alive, though my circumstances haven’t changed. During the pandemic I didn’t have that feeling. It was just the opposite. Today, and for longer periods, I’ve been listening to my personal coach. My current circumstances are a different mess, but my recovery time from fear is much quicker. I’m beginning to understand Paul’s statement about being content in all circumstances doesn’t mean accepting that those circumstances are good, but he had a new capacity to acknowledge God’s promises are completed and yet to be completed. He did not die when snake bit him, he escaped the murderous crowd, he went to Rome, but still experienced injustice. Contentment came to him, he “recovered.”
I still don’t know what is happening with my sheep in Waimea, I felt constrained from rushing up there and giving them another treatment as I planned to do last Saturday. Trusting the Lord in all circumstances is what my personal coach is telling me. My great fear of mistakes has to give way to a higher priority, believing what my coach tells me. The Holy Spirit is in tandem with God’s wishes and Jesus’ choices and that is my personal coach.
Aug 22
Yesterday I gave the sheep their needed parasite treatment. Along with that, the other recommendation is to put them on pasture that doesn’t have the freshly hatched larvae that can repeat this infestation cycle that is the number one killer of sheep.
At the moment I treated the 133rd sheep, I looked up and witnessed them bursting through the temporary fence and they would have grazed upon these killer larvae. I jumped into my truck and pushed them away from this choice and onto the safe pasture. I’ve done this multiple times, and keep retraining them. In this instance, they saw their siblings enjoying fresh grass, and they couldn’t stand it any longer. Another factor is any sheep who is less respectful of the boundary. Once that one pushes down the electric fence, everybody gets the idea it’s not going to hurt them. This can happen even when the fence is powered up and painful to the touch. I’ve sold certain sheep because they have consistently led the entire flock outside that boundary.
Once on fresh grass, they’ll settle back down. I just have to constantly make it difficult for them to get any ideas about getting out again. It is costly, but lately I remember Jesus’ plea to his Father “Let this cup be taken from me.” It settles my heart to know His sacrifice and yielding His will, took care of His sheep.
Aug 23
Profound. As new understanding settles in my brain, I fall more in love with Jesus. For me to be a shepherd to my sheep, I really need to give them something they understand. Food, safety. When they feel safe with me, even the wild sheep will calm down. I never understood that before, why certain sheep I never gave food to would be willing to let me approach, or even better, they would approach me. It was my demeanor, my being nearby, or offering treats as encouragement. I don’t always give treats, and however when one sheep sees treats being given, it gives them understanding that I might actually be a safe being. But a sheep witnessing a treat being given is also experiencing a shepherd’s care. Or just my being near them, and it’s a relaxed moment. Both of these work. Jesus invites; he does not coerce.
Aug 24
My dog, Dixie, already has the authority to herd sheep; she is in the process of learning her power. In the video, you see her hesitate or doubt herself. When she gets in tune with her identity and authority, she won’t hesitate as much. I identify with this, so I keep refocusing my thoughts to receive God’s gift as real every day.
I start with understanding how God is pleased with me. His utmost desire is to bless me, not curse me. God is pleased with Jesus before he even began his public ministry. Since God is pleased with Jesus, this is transferred to me via His promises. My continual work is to believe, to acknowledge righteousness is not generated from self-effort, but from the Father granting HIS real promises to me upon my daily focus/belief.
When hanging on the cross Jesus declared forgiveness towards his killers, for they know not what they are doing. This forgiveness is already given; it is I who needs more understanding on power of His forgiveness. Jesus forgives the sins of that man lowered by his friends through the roof, and I’m noticing forgiveness came first.
My faith admits I’m incapable of obtaining anything unless I believe in Him and imitate Him. Father, Holy Spirit, and Jesus act in concert to bless us through their promises. Abraham believed in the promise and obtained it. That is the key.
Aug 25
Truthfully, I hesitate to tell you this story. Among the 133 sheep medicated to remove barber pole worms three days ago in Waimea, about 10 are anemic. These sick ones eat and move about like normal sheep but much slower. On my way to their pasture yesterday, I was listening to a sermon that referred to “Ask, Seek, Knock.” My response was along the lines of: I know my sheep are sick; help them live. I trust in you and your power to heal. I don’t like them suffering, and as a shepherd, I fight to keep them alive. So did King David, and He killed the bear and the lion.
I was drenched to the skin, moving the electric fence for their next paddock. My sheep were huddled together due to a strong wind and driving mist. When they approached me, I discovered a mature ewe who couldn’t stand or walk. She needed immediate help. I wanted to get her somewhere warm. Fast-forward through many ideas, such as bringing her to Kona, but that cold wind and rain in the truck bed would likely kill her. I wanted to place her in the nearby gooseneck trailer. In just a few minutes, despite all my efforts and my trying to lift her, she grew weaker and died.
Regret and relief washed over me. I’m still convinced of God’s power and generosity. My attitude toward loss has changed. It’s still a painful process, but fixing my eyes on God’s character is my source of hope. 2024 has been both wonderfully exhilarating and difficult. Because I’ve rediscovered Jesus as my first love, it has been exhilarating. The difficult days with the sheep on the other hand is very taxing. But joy comes even though I feel despair,, as I re-centered to acknowledge that God’s goodness and wisdom never fails. I recovered.
The file photo shows sheep in Kona trapped by accident between a pallet and fence. When sheep cannot get back on their feet, even food won’t keep them alive.
Aug 26
Ping! Ping! Ping! That is the sound of accusations bouncing off my armor or cloak, which Jesus provided for me. This visual image in my mind connects me to God’s promises to deliver me from the evil one. Many times I’ve written about the sheep dying. This led to feelings of helplessness, condemnation, and repeated remembrances of their deaths which only led to more fear.
My other pattern is striving. To defeat that aspect I now visualize Jesus installed a cloak on me, on my behalf. I trust he delivers me from the enemy. I have decided Jesus is good. So now I’m paying attention to the pinging, which is the deflection of the accuser’s weapon. This mental image of Jesus, the cloak, the pings; leads to praise. In Him, I’m not helpless; He stepped on that snake’s head already. He gave me authority, which acknowledges God rescued me from the evil one past, present, and future. Abraham believed and he obtained a cloak of righteousness. Deliverance is promised 24/7 not by our striving, but when we trust and believe in the deliverer.
Aug 27
Comfort. Yesterday’s blog showed a computer-generated image of Jesus ministering to a woman, and it prepared my heart for what was to come later. That cloak image in my mind led to a song in my heart: “You are a shield about me, the lifter of my head.” It’s from Psalm 3.3, when King David was running from Absalom. Feelings of grief, betrayal, and stress overcame David. The same happened to me yesterday.
Hurricane Hone’s wind and rain drenched my clothes as I worked last Saturday. The flock was miserable and bunched tightly together. Turns out it killed eleven sheep that night. There were two causes.
When the sheep bunched together in the windbreak behind a rocky mound, they smothered several lambs. The same thing happens when crowds in a stadium panic and push against each other; if you fall, your life is in danger. Second cause: Six mature ewes’ wool-less covering turned out to be too thin, and they died of cold exposure. Among them was Gracie, a spunky and fun orphan bottle lamb from four years ago. To be continued…
Aug 28
Sore. My heart felt sore yesterday. Yet, in the midst of one of my worst fears, God comforted me. On that day when I viewed the 11 dead and two downed sheep) that doesn’t mean I was in very good shape.
I love Dixie, my mini-aussie shepherd so much, but during this day, I needed to move the sheep to the corral. She was already confused but responded to my calling her name, following beside me while I drove the truck. This occurred before I discovered the dead sheep later. She was trying and came forward each time I called, though it took much persuasion.
Fast-forward and I’m at the height of anxiety after viewing my losses and because I couldn’t convince the sheep to get into the corral. Instead the sheep have scattered and are eating the green grass which I’m convinced has extreme amounts of dangerous barberpole larvae ready to reinfect their digestive system. I screamed at them to move, Dixie listened to it for a while and I was fine that she just stayed at a close distance. An instant later, she began running away. I’ve always been able to change her mind, but I was still getting sheep into the corral.
Two choices: Either follow Dixie, or get the flock safe. I screamed her name. She never looked up. Felt like betrayal and abandonment. She’s still missing. I can find her later, but I have to be within her sight for this to happen, or someone calls me when they find her.
Now I can really imagine how Jesus felt when all the disciples ran away.
Aug 29
I’m still reacting strongly to the 30+ sheep dying this year when I’ve struggled in so many ways to provide for their needs. My mind wants to make sense of it, and this time, I’m retraining it to hear God’s real intentions—He is forever merciful. The included picture is a way to visualize what Jesus did. He spoke tender words to the man on the mat, then stabs at the religious spirit among the crowd. So here’s what I’m listening to.
Little child, don’t be afraid. God is not angry with you. The first words out of Jesus’ mouth toward the paralyzed man. My upsetting life circumstances do not have authority over me, only Jesus. I can rest in this protective mercy and my sins/weakness is forgiven. I note that the man didn’t say a prayer, or have to believe a certain thing for Jesus to take action. He received it. He picked up his mat and walked. This is the same order Jesus wants us to have. Receive his word, put it inside, respond in faith.
Later in the gospel of Matthew, he said, “Take heart, my daughter,” to the woman who touched his hem. He speaks reassuring words first and then gives her freedom and healing. Our full healing is 100% assured, whether in this life or the next. In one Chosen movie episode, Jesus speaks to the disciple who viewed Jesus’ healing power for three years, but still experiences physical pain in his leg. It’s worth watching and pondering your reaction to that.
…to be continued.
Aug 30
Trust. Having Dixie home again is great. When I went back to the 300-acre ranch on Wednesday, I drove the truck near the only building on the acreage. I whistled and to my surprise she ran full speed from behind the buildings, jumped through two gates and was at my feet with joy.
She’s been missing before. The reunion after her first disappearance was not like this greeting. She stared at me from 50 feet away. I called her name, she remained motionless. Once trust began building, she got closer, and when she sensed who I was, she was transformed.
Trust. In 2024, I’m re-experiencing first love toward Jesus. His character, gentleness, patience, and desires for me have deepened my trust in him. I run to Him even though I’ve messed up. He receives me just like the father in the Prodigal Son parable. He puts a robe on me, gives me food to eat, and gives me a ring of authority.
To be continued…
Aug 31
I’m pausing for a bit to recognize two people I’ve personally met who have gone ahead to be with Jesus yesterday. Doug McClure and Bruce Thompson. Their lives ripple across God’s kingdom in two main arenas. Biblical counseling, and the beauty of music. Both are healing ministries.
Doug McClure, his wife Noelle and their five children drastically changed their lifestyle to be here in YWAM Kona. He started teaching children in different parts of the world how to play instruments, mostly stringed, and this transformed their lives, a balm in the midst of grinding life circumstances. He was doing this in Papua New Guinea when he suffered a heart attack at the age of 61.
Bruce Thompson and his wife Barbara impacted every DTS student just as much as Loren Cunningham did. Their life-giving words spoke freedom via their Plumbine teaching and much more. Reconstructing the way we think about ourselves, and about Jesus’ power to heal the inner person.
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I’m heading to the Philippines today to gather with the YWAM family. I’ll be photographing events, which can later be found at thema.smugmug.com. I’m requesting prayer, and if you wish to donate, here’s the link:
Sept 3 part one
Yesterday at the venue where YWAM is gathering together Sept 3-6, I experienced a vision that added detail over time. The story unfolded like a time-lapse of plant blooming or a seed sprouting out of the ground at amazing speed.
From nothing, hundreds of woody and thin vine tendrils sprung up out of the ground, forming a green blanket. Vines united, holding hands or swirling together like three strands of a rope. Groupings of vines together formed a massive leafy hut with fragrant blooms. I felt wonder and awe at the creative beauty and unity that appeared. Thousands and thousands of colored blooms wafted an exciting and undefinable fragrance. I also sensed fruit which later made a wine that would thrill any wine master.
This image came to me inside this massive auditorium, where different tribes and nations are gathering to once again listen as a group to our Savior’s words.
The picture is of the media team who will be taking video, interviews, and/or still images. We have among us those whose lives would be in peril because of certain government or regional views of Christians would put them into prisons or worse. So I blacked out the one who is from such a place. There are others with stories like this, to the point spouses or children are murdered. Together we bring hope into their lives, about a kingdom where this will not happen any longer.
Sept 3 part two in response to Tim Mackie one way road to the grave.
Last week and other times I was screaming at my sheep because they wouldn’t move off the contaminated pasture that could infest them with barberpole worms, a killer of too many of my flock. This is what I mean when they hear me, but they only care about eating. Their stubbornness and unwillingness to respond causes self-inflicted harm.
I’m listening to a sermon exploring Jesus’ words that sounds like a curse: “Woe to you, Chorazin, woe to you, Bethsaida, for if the miracles that were performed in you had been performed in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes. But I tell you, it will be more bearable for Tyre and Sidon.”
Ponder on the idea that are not curses, but an insight into the consequences of people’s choices.
Sept 4
Sheep need each other and need direction. If all is well, they scatter about the pasture. They would move even farther apart unless there’s something that keeps them together. Even a two-week-old baby lamb starts wandering off. It comes back to its mother when she rings the dinner bell or if there’s a scare. Each sheep rushes as fast as possible to the most delectable forage, taking possession of what’s “theirs.” The overfat ones have no mercy, they push others around. They all determine among themselves who has to move out of the way.
Shepherds not only protect the flock but also ensure adequate feed so each gets fair treatment. Jesus went to the ones who had been pushed away, the outcasts, the needy ones. Jesus knows we need more than food. Bears and lions lurk nearby, and bully sheep can steal from the weaker ones.
When we are so eager to find a place to serve, it can be that we’ve scattered across the land seeking identity. A resting flock has put aside their restlessness by trusting their leader. Joseph was helpless in the pit and in prison, but at the right time, His Shepherd moved him into his destiny.
Sept 5
Yesterday at the YWAM gathering, we listened to a woman leader whose best friend was in the Tanzania bus accident seven months ago that killed long-term leaders known for teaching and sharing the gospel inside the “sensitive” areas where they could be put into prison or killed. Her friend lived, but 10 leaders perished that day, and two more in a different accident. That led to fewer representatives in regions who didn’t have access to the Bible or places to be trained.
She admitted the questions that arose in her were beyond answers for this side of heaven. She prayed “What question should I ask?” At the end, she heard, “Gear up!” Then, she challenged us to let go of internal divisions that disrupted unity. She also appealed to letting go of trying to escape through other diversions, such as watching Netflix for hours to escape reality. The whole , filled with “shepherds” took this message to heart, many standing in the massive auditorium as there was no room to move forward. I, too, looked at how I spent my time and acknowledged deep needs that only Jesus can resolve, not my willpower. (it’s time for me to go, this is a takeaway of yesterday’s experiences.)
Sept 6
If only
We view our and other’s lives and measure them constantly. We still feel something is missing on all levels; marriage, ministry, government, church, our skills. If not married, we look for a spouse. When married, we wish for a better spouse. Same for job, children, possessions and so on. Our desires can bring us to Jesus or it leads us to go seek something else i.e. “…if only.”
At 3 am today I woke up. I could not go back to sleep because a portal opened to the Holy Spirit’s stories. My longing for “more” is connected to a daily need for “fuel” and inspiration. If our thoughts constantly center on our failures or in the failure of others, we act like the wandering Israelites in the desert. The fact is that God’s provision for our lives is already done through Jesus. We grow by His powerful relationship with us, the fuel of transformation.
Mary said to the angel, “Be unto me as you have said.” In that moment of belief, Jesus entered the earth. In our birth moment by believing Jesus, he entered every department of our lives…a new life began. This life is meant to become a high-resolution Jesus-like image. YWAM’s founder Loren Cunningham abided in Jesus, and Jesus abided in him. The fuel in his ministry came by deepening relationship his Creator. So YWAM’s leadership is Jesus.
In YWAM we as a family all respect our founders Loren and Darlene Cunningham. Yet I now recognize more deeply that the fuel that grew YWAM’s ministries is not by a method, our guidelines, or our family traits. It would be like saying one person’s physical traits is better than another person’s skin color, type of hair, or body shape. Consider this…
I use a Canon Rebel and a big lens to take pictures. Yet that camera is not telling the story. I’m attempting to replicate a story. YWAM is like a camera, it is a wonderful tool that brings people to the Lord and transforms us to tell the story better. The fuel comes from entering into Jesus’ promises so that our trust and identity is based on him, not on human strength. Expanding God’s story to the world starts with our daily thoughts, motives, and reactions in those difficult moments. When I climb onto Abba’s lap without fear, I recognize what Jesus did for me. The new creation in me is being trained, and remains in his love forever. `
sept 7
Yesterday, I wrote about how we decide how good we or others measure up. Today I ponder Jesus’ view of us. He knew the intent of every person around him. He knew what they were thinking. He knew Martha and Mary deeply, and he loved them both.
Jesus sees us in a way no other human can. His intelligence, paired with his compassion, is perfect. We might acknowledge in our heads that He is perfect, yet in our behavior and thoughts, we treat him like he doesn’t know what he is doing.
Because he sees each person’s intent, he took down the challenges of the schooled, intelligent people. He didn’t just hold children like Santa Claus; he knew them. He knew Lazarus died. He knew the crowd intended to murder him. Everything is precise with Jesus. Perfect.
He already knows our intent before anything happens. He still forgives us. We focus on pleasing him, yet feel like it’s not enough. This feeling can keep us humble or cause us to doubt that he actually made us a new creation. But in faith, consider that Jesus, the superhero, is flying with us like Superman. He clothed us with a garment that makes us a superhero here on earth.
sept 8
When I put my backpack on the other day, the inset bag holding two cameras fell onto the pavement. The dent was at the tip of the lens, cracking the glass, however it didn’t damage the lens focusing mechanism.
During our YWAM Together event, which ended two days ago, many stories and images inspired us, and others provoked us. YWAM’s values and legacy words zero in like my zoom lens to God’s intentions in this specific mission organization. Our target is to see God’s kingdom multiply by making disciples in all nations.
Sometimes, people or locations deviate from those values, causing chaos, just as the cracked lens on my camera would distort any image. One common failure is when personal values get locked into the given task. Leaders control instead of invite. Relationships fail as offenses mount up. Doubt creeps in when failures occur. But just like when I dropped the lens, a specialist can bring healing. With God he always directs us to what we need, and when we listen, the circumstances fade in the light of his comfort or guidance.
Sept 9
On this journey to the Philippines, quite a few challenges reared their heads. In Honolulu, the boarding ticket wouldn’t appear on my phone, even though the thumbnail version showed it was there. I almost missed my flight. Blessing: The agents finally believed me and printed a new boarding pass.
Severe wind and rain hit Manila the day thousands were expected to arrive. Blessing: the storm lessened later in the same day. Still a few days later, thousands were stranded at the venue when hundreds of needed taxis didn’t show up for hours, 4 hours for some. Blessing: Organizers strongly suggested arranging their lodgings close enough. That made it possible to walk to their rooms despite heavy rains. 2nd blessing: like a lightening bolt, a taxi appeared on our radar so we didn’t have to walk.
My expensive cochlear implant got snagged on my poncho and fell to the pavement. It was dark, and it took forever to find it again. Blessing: it didn’t land in a puddle of water or break. Two cameras could have been damaged when a bag slipped off my back and thudded on the pavement. Blessing: It cost $5 to remove the broken ND filter, and no other damage is apparent. Also, my housing here for a 12-day stay turned out to nearly free due to a gift from a friend.
Yet the greatest blessing I received came during the pre-recorded video of Loren Cunningham’s 10-minute “father’s blessing.” Those words have been heard not only by the 4,500 attendees here in the Philippines, it touched hearts around the globe.
Sept 10
“They act like they never have been fed. They have free choice hay and free choice grain.”
Yesterday, as I rode in the taxi with my friends through Manila, I pondered what i was looking for. Something familiar? Something exciting? Something good that happened since I left in 2002? What did my three year stint in this city do in me or how did it help others?
Turned out to be very isolating since my cochlear implant surgery had not taken place yet. It wasn’t possible to hear most co-workers even with lip-reading. It was like never learning the language. In Manila, I had mostly resorted to striving to dull that pain. At the ministry I worked on records, balancing the petty cash, joined in prayer times. In my “too much” free time I watched movies, read the news, played online games. I was asked by leaders if God wanted me to stay here long-term, and I planned to keep going. But God almost had to drag me screaming and kicking into a new phase of my life, which began when I arrived at YWAM Kona.
Yesterday it felt depressing when witnessing the snarl of traffic outside the cab window, the workers enduring heat and awful smog inside the jeepneys, or bringing only a day’s worth of food home for family. Yet hope churned inside me too. God will change these cities into places of awe and wonder.
This existence is being changed now, with about a million Filipino Jesus followers discovering who they are in Christ. Kindness, gentleness, patience, and more growing inside. Love. And hope carries them forward just like it does for each of us. We look beyond to perfect cities, perfect bodies, perfect government with Jesus. And the kingdom exists in our hearts now and one day we won’t be asking: “Are we there yet?”
Sept 11 I went to Manila Ocean park and posted pictures.
Sept 12
In this moment onboard Japan Airlines’ Boeing 787, I’m watching the Islands of Philippines grow smaller and I’m sensing mixed feelings. The land is beautiful, the white capped waves line the seashore, forests blanket the hills, ribbons of rivers decorate the valleys. I pass over boats at sea, tiny dots of homes below. Also within Metro Manila are thriving and beautiful spots that rival any other place in the world. However I asked myself why do people believe their life is better working all day, stopping to get food from the bodegas, and enduring traffic jams to live their lives.
In rural areas, growing food and living off the land can beautiful and fulfilling. Or it can be tragic. Rebels may come in and wreck the place, or the land has been held hostage by owners/governments that fail to be good stewards. Perils like floods, volcanic activity, invasive weeds, or drought tear down man’s efforts and causes suffering.
Jesus commented on suffering. 18 people died when a tower in Siloam fell onto them. He asked, “do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem?” My takeaway? Calamity does not equal punishment. The same principle in the book of Job. Jesus’ kingdom includes that moment when everything is restored better than ever. Currently being in a Job-like moment will end one day.
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